¿Qué cómo se siente el amor? Sí, exactamente así

¿Alguien sabe en realidad que es el amor? Yo dudo mucho que alguna persona sepa en realidad que es; algunos dicen que es química; otros que es apego; otros que no se sabe que es pero se siente rico; otros creen que el amor es dar la vida por alguien; otros que es algo que se demuestra con actos definitivos más no con palabras; otros que es conocer, querer, aceptar y luego amar; otros dicen que el amor es un sentimiento que te hace vulnerable sin darte cuenta; otros que es reinventarse todos los días para la otra persona y otros que es una mezcla de sentimientos.
Para mí el amor son todas esas cosas envueltas en un paquete lleno de sueños; es magia; es fuerza; es apoyo; es algo que se queda plasmado a pesar de todo y de todos; algo que sobrevive a las adversidades y te ayuda a sobrevivir; es eso que te devuelve el aliento cuando ya no te alcanza; es algo que te orienta en el camino cuando te pierdes; es aquello que te permite ver los colores en el cielo cuando está completamente nublado; es aquello que te permite ver la magia en el mundo real; es aquello que te permite valorar y disfrutar tu entorno; es aquello que te llena de esperanzas, ilusiones y sueños y por último es aquello que te lleva a un lugar desconocido y te devuelve en un minuto. Amor es aquello que nace en la tierra infértil y crece a pesar de la sequía. 
Ah! pero la pregunta era: qué cómo se siente? Pues se siente así, exactamente así como te sentiste está mañana al despertarte y ver su rostro; así como te sentiste anoche cuando te dijo buenas noches; así como cuando te tocó por primera vez y supiste que todo estaba perdido; así como cuando todo tu mundo se derrite con solo una mirada; así, exactamente así como no puedes explicarlo; porque el amor se siente no se explica. 

City of Angels

"City of angels", the first time that I heard that "nickname" the first thing that came to my mind, besides the song which now looks like the soundtrack of my life, was that movie from some years ago which takes place in this wonderful city and which shows us how this is full of angels; full of angels as my life; full of angels as this written.

And it's so weird to think about "Los Angeles" without angels because each time that the memories invade me, they don't come just with those blue skies, those sunsets, those palmtrees, those seagulls, those beaches, those streets, that Hollywood sign which looms in the distance, those stars on the boulevard full of dreams or that city full of bright; the memories invade me also with the eyes of those who today are considered as the angels that come to my life.

Perharps for you or for the majority of the people could be odd or a little bit excessive to call someone angel, but in the way how I see it, an angel is that person full of bright and light who makes you feel like in home; who makes you and allows you to be who you really are; who protects you; who brithens up your life with his own presence; who teaches you; and the most important thing, is someone who conects you with the soul of the universe because he fills you with love. Thanks God I can pressume about all the angels that I have in my life; however today I want to pressume the angels who came to me in the city of angels.

Because it's true there were a lot of people who came and left; a lot of angels who come to bring a little bit of their light; as well as a lot of them are not here anymore. It may sound bizarre considering the short time that we spent in that city together; but sometimes the most important people in your life appear, like that, in short time and in the less expected place. You can call it as you want: coincidence, chance, luck, destiny or simply you can call it as something that it was meant to be; nevertheless let's call what you call it will be always a wonderful silver lining that comes without wait it.

Sometimes I think about which can be the reason that makes you crave for those people or that place; which can be the reason that makes you feel close to the people who were strangers for you just months ago; which can be the reason that made you give them a part of you; which can be the reason why you feel that you know them since forever; which can be the reason why even now and being so far away you feel them so close; which can be the reason to call them friends or in my case "angels"; whichever can be the reason; maybe the reason doesn't exist or maybe that reason is not coherent or rational because the standars of our society which tell us that a friend is someone that you know during years; I should say that for me, and considering that I'm not rational at all, the reason is that some divine hand, which wrote all in the universe, took over everything and collected some lost pieces from around the world and put them together in the same puzzle call it dream, call it: "city of angels".

"City of angels" that has a hundred of bewitching places which can take us back to a moment, to a gaze, to a smile, to a word, to a song, to a hug, to a dream, to a tear, to a sensation, to a feeling, to a laugh, to a lesson, to a story, to a special day, to a sunny day, to a fight, to a last word, to a last look, to an ilusion and to a promise that was kept at infinity; bewitching places in which our essences and our memories were recorded; bewitching places which could write the chronic of our dream and our adventure; bewitching places that can be a café (restaurant) across the street; a beach in Hermosa or Redondo; a supermarket near to you; a sofa on the lounge or on an apartment; a lonely parking lot (not that lonely in the break); a mexican, japonais, chinois or italian restaurant; a place in hawthorne and pacific coast; a subway; a corner bakery; a pancake house or simply a classroon in the building that became our second house; bewitching places which can seem so simple but which inclose anecdotes, comments and tales of the story that today can be written; bewitching places which have seen the angels come and go undeterred by their presences.

And althought we came from different countries; we have different cultures; we speak different languages; we have different ways of thinking; we have different ages or different experiences; we are and we always have been one heart beating for the same dream in the same city; we are an incredible coincidence in a small group.

I really would love to talk about each one of the angels that have been crossed by my side but the pages are not enough eternal and the words are not enough extensive; but in spite of the fact that my heart is distributed by many countries; if I stop to think, the 3 biggest pieces are the ones that I long for the most.

3 pieces of my heart that speak 3 languages; 3 pieces of my heart that have different names, different personalities and dreams; 3 pieces of my heart that stayed as the angels of my city of angels; 3 pieces of my heart that have 3 different pair of eyes; 3 pieces of my heart that teach me everyday the meaning of a sincere and truly "I miss you"; 3 pieces of my heart that I'm missing and that connect me with 3 different versions of myself.

It can be that piece with those pair of blue feline eyes; those eyes which reflect tenacity, priorities, an inner child who can be a great man, a brillian and hopefull future, an intelligence to decide and go after what you dream, determination an valor; those pair of eyes which reflect the dreams fullfilled and how far you are going to get. It can be that piece with those big light spoty brown eyes which show me the sweet size of the life (sweetness as the chocolate), which project a kind of innocence. which allow you to see a dreamer, determinated, confuse, smart and different guy; those pair of eyes which stay the dream in the middle of the dream. Or it can be that piece with those dark deep brown eyes which have a magneto that attracts you and that makes you want to know more; which hide that misterious, sensitive and interesting human being with many qualities; which show you the funniest and gayer side of the life; which will surprise you with how much they captivate and how easy is to immerse yourself into them to get to the bottom of that amazing human being that is hidden with great care; those pair of eyes which make you feel like in family and in home.

These are the 3 angels which have the 3 biggest pieces of my heart; these 3 angels full of qualities, light, emotions and love; these 3 angels that have a different parts of my heart and my soul; these 3 angels which have crossed barriers and which taught me how to find a conexion through the ocean and the distance; these 3 angels which know with certainty that it doesn't matter where we are or what can happen they're always gonna have that part of me and that inconditional support; these 3 angels which show me their different ways to see and to face the life; these 3 angels for which I keep hugs that cross and cover cities; these 3 angels which I'm gonna miss forever; these 3 angels which are my family on another continent; these 3 angels which made of  "Los Angeles" my "City of angels".

"I miss you" is like a sigh.

Does it exist more sincere words than "I miss you"?
"I miss you" is exactly like a sigh; "I miss you" is something that you feel and which expresses something else that is inside of you; "I miss you" is like a sigh because a sigh is the air that you lose because the absence of someone; "I miss you" is a hidden "I love you". "I miss you" is me sighing for you.
However,what is exactly "that" which I miss? It could be your words; your presence; your smile; your lips; your hair; your voice; your laugh; your hands; your smirk; your teasing; your humor; your weird faces; the way you walk; the way you say my name; they way you look; the way you talk; your singing; your dance; your body....you, in all your essence?
But, what is all of this? This could be just a heart talking; this could be you being you; this could be a sincere human being trying to explain him/herself; this could be the deep of your gist; this could be a mind realizing how important and meaningful can be one person or several people in your daily life.
Friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, bestfriends, soulmates; it doesn't matter how you call them or in which category are they; they are people who change your way of thinking, your vision of the world and your life forever. Those people are the ones who stay with you no matter what happen or no matter how amount of water you have between you; those are the ones who break distances; walls and masks; those are the ones who make you who you really are and bring out all of that which is inside of your heart; those are the ones who make you laugh at loud even when you want to cry; those are the ones who can sing, can ignore you, can be silly, can be jerks, can be nice and can be bad but above all you love them because you never idealized them; those are the ones that you truly love for who they are.
Suddenly hours become days; days become months; months become years and years become and infinity for you without seeing them; without talking to them; without knowing how their lives are: without having them in your quotidian life then you have dreams in which you hear their voices, their laughs, their jokes; their meaningless; dreams where you see their faces, their eyes, their gestures, themselves; and so you wake up whishing that your reality would be the same and thinking when is gonna be the day when you could have all of that which you dreamt about again in your life like a dream comes true.

All of this is a sigh because a sigh is an "I miss you".

¿Qué cómo se cultiva el amor? ¡Con semillas de sol!

Cultivar es la palabra precisa para describir una relación; una relación es como aquella planta que se siembra en un campo; fértil o infértil aquella planta siempre florece, grande o pequeña pero florece,. Algunas veces se hace grande y fuerte, otras grande pero débil, otras pequeña pero hermosa y otras no muy comunes son aquellas que crecen como un árbol y echan raíces profundas que jamás puedes arrancar.

Este amor empezó siendo una semilla pequeña en un campo infértil, una semilla que al sembrarla nadie esperaba que floreciera; todos creían que en aquel campo jamás podría nacer un árbol o por lo menos una flor pero nuestra semilla era obstinada y estaba empeñada en hacerse árbol así que busco de todas las maneras posibles que sus agricultores le pusieran agua; agua para alimentarse, agua para crecer, agua para germinar y florecer, agua para hacer crecer sus raíces y engancharlas en la tierra, para que nadie, ni siquiera los agricultores pudieran arrancarla.

Aquella obstinada semilla se hizo árbol, un hermoso árbol hecho de detalles pequeños y grandes, un árbol hecho de sueños e ilusiones, un hermoso árbol que jamás se ha podido arrancar de aquel campo; aunque se ha usado toda la maquinaria posible aquel árbol sigue intacto.

Para aquel que no cree en el destino….Este es el momento de comenzar a creer.

He escuchado a mucha gente en mi vida hablar acerca del destino. Destino: Que palabra tan usada pero tan mal interpretada, algunos dicen que el destino es como una plastilina que tu forjas y moldeas a tu gusto; otros dicen que está escrito;  otros que depende de muchas variables como las personas que conoces, las relaciones que haces, la forma en la que manejas el dinero o la forma como te expresas, una simple palabra podría cambiar tu destino; otros dicen que el destino es cada minuto de tu vida y otros simplemente jamás en su vida se han cuestionado acerca de este. 
Para mí el destino es un poco de todo, es cierto que está escrito que muchas cosas pasen en tu vida y como alguna vez leí en mi libro favorito en el mundo, “El alquimista” de Paulo Coelho, tu escoges tu destino en el momento en que decides seguir o no seguir a tu corazón; siempre hay muchos senderos por los que llevar tu vida tú escoges cual es el mejor o cual es el peor. Pero algo si es cierto, la historia de tu vida está escrita, difícil o no dependiendo de tu elección, está escrita. Y sea cual sea la historia, siempre dejara una huella imborrable en el alma del mundo. 

El tiempo.

Tiempo; si pensamos en esta palabra sin ahondar demasiado en ella la veremos como una palabra inofensiva, muy usada y de solo 6 letras; pero si nos detenemos en este instante a pensar detenida y profundamente un poco más allá; nos daremos cuenta que esas 6 letras, que separadas pueden ser tan inofensivas, juntas forman una de las palabras más peligrosas, usadas, correcta o incorrectamente, malinterpretadas y maravillosas que tiene nuestro vocabulario.
Y es que, qué es el tiempo?. "El tiempo es la duración de las cosas sujetas a cambio o de los seres que tienen una existencia finita"; bueno, eso dice el diccionario. Para mi el tiempo algunas veces lo es todo y otras veces es nada, algunas veces lo soluciona todo y otras lo destruye; pero sea dicho tiempo una duración de las cosas o seres, una nada o un todo, un destructor o un salvador; es, sin lugar a ninguna duda, parte de nuestra vida y no una parte cualquiera si no una parte definitiva.
El tiempo nos hace cambiar física y mentalmente, nos hace evolucionar, perdernos, encontrarnos, volvernos a perder para al final volver al camino que siempre tuvimos en nuestras narices.
Tiempo puede ser una hora, un segundo, un día, un año, diez años, una eternidad o simplemente un momento en el que el mundo deje de girar.
365 días pueden ser un largo periodo de tiempo pero así mismo pueden ser un periodo muy corto. En 365 días un bebé aprende a caminar, aprende a decir algunas palabras, aprende a comer comida solida, aprende como ser malcriado, aprende quienes están a su alrededor y lo aman, aprende a amar y por supuesto; aprende cosas incalculables e invaluables. Entonces, si un niño puede aprender todo eso en ese periodo de tiempo, un adulto puede aprender la misma cantidad de cosas importantes y trascendentales acerca de la vida.
En 365 días yo he empezado y he tenido un largo viaje no solo fuera de mi pequeño mundo si no también dentro de mi gran universo. En este tiempo he aprendido a caminar por mis propios medios sin ninguna mano que me pueda ayudar y conducir; he aprendido muchas nuevas palabras en mi idioma y en otros idiomas;  he aprendido una cantidad incontable de lecciones de vida y antes que nada, he aprendido quien está conmigo, quien me ama, quien merece y quien no merece a pesar de seguir aquí.
365 días han sido inesperados e increíbles; han sido días para saber algo nuevo con cada tick tack del reloj; han sido días para entender cosas que antes creía imposibles; días para comprender el poder de las palabras y de los sentimientos; días de cambios constantes en la forma de percibir las reacciones; días de subidas y bajadas como una montaña rusa; días para ser buena y mala; y han sido días suficientes para conocerte como ser humano. Y qué clase de ser humano he conocido? Uno bueno, uno malo, uno vulnerable, uno inteligente, uno cariñoso, uno confuso, uno inmaduro, uno al que no le importa, uno al que le importa, uno maravilloso y uno en un millón.
Sin embargo, en realidad no es necesario etiquetar a las personas en una de las categorías mencionadas anteriormente porque cada ser humando tiene, o tenemos, un poco de todas dependiendo del día, la persona y el momento. Y 365 días han sido tiempo suficiente para probar un poco de cada una de tus caras, han sido tiempo suficiente para extrañar, amar, dejar de amar, volver a amar, soñar, llorar, enojarse, reírse duro, despacio, respirar hondo, tener paciencia, revaluar, valorar, hacer promesas que nunca cumples, lanzarte a un abismo que no tiene un colchón de rosas en el fondo, gritar, sorprenderse, maravillarse y sobretodo agradecer.
365 días han sido tiempo suficiente para comprender y entender que aquellos ojos que viste en el día uno son esos mismos ojos que quizás conociste mucho tiempo atrás en una vida que no creíste tuya. Esos mismos ojos que te paralizaron y te hicieron pensar en cuales habían sido los caminos recorridos por aquellas almas para llegar a este punto hoy y ahora.
365 días en un viaje que espero dure para siempre porque se necesitan muchos más días y mucho más tiempo para llenar toda una vida con nuevas experiencias, sensaciones, personas y ojos que solo imaginaste en otros 365 días que invertiste soñando con el día en que estos 365 días al fin llegaran.

The meeting...

And again I found myself with the inspiration filling me with thoughts that force me to write; thoughts that once again, and it is not weird, lead to you.
I think about how this meeting between us was planned by some divine hand, who wrote everything many years ago; I think about how every meeting which happens in the universe was already planned but we, as human beings: stubborn and headstrong, strive to avoid that meeting. However and even when we resist ourselves or even when we go against, in any moment, probably when we do not have anything else to lose or when we are most excited with the life something unknown and unexpected, like this, is presented in front of us and it changes our path. Then and after we have passed days, months, or even years without feeling anything, we open that door to the unknown and we begin to feel how an avalanche of sensations, emotions and feelings come in, unable to stop, because once that door is opened is difficult, or maybe imposible, to close it again.
And not forgetting that several months ago I opened that door to you; the door of my heart, that new heart recomposed, reconstructed and reinvented; that throbbing heart full of love; that heart which since the first day and little by little, began to beat for you.
That was my gift for you, something that is completely mine; something that I give; I gave and I'm going to keep giving without asking anything back; something that is going to link us or is going to divide us some day; something that is going to show us the path to get to a safe place: full of dreams, hopes and love.
And this delivery that I did, and which I make official in this moment, is maybe the craziest possible; it is this delivery which is realized in the name of a dream and an ilusion; the delivery which can fill me or kill me.

Unfailingly you!

And at the end all my thoughts can not do anything else that lead to you…
You, and your voice which still rings in my ears like a song that I would like to repeat forever
You and your hands which can break an entire world with just one touch.
You, and your words sometimes clumsy, sometimes accurate. Those words, which can open and close doors unto unknown places. Those exact words which make you dream and forget in just one second. 
You, and your lying and actual innocence.
You, who seem naïve and innocent but as everybody has a dark angel who can sink the two of us. 
You, who are young, warm and affable like an afternoon of wonderful sun in this beautiful city which brought us, not only a dream, but also an illusion.
You, who everyday become a new uncertainly.
You, who believe it or not, are an actor. 
You, who don’t have any idea how to appraise the feelings that someone gives to you from the heart. 
You, who sometimes are hypocrite, not only with yourself, otherwise with everybody else. 
You, strange but known. 
You, who make me love you and hate you in the same moment.
You, compulsive liar.
You, magical and extraordinary human being.
You, my complex boy who understands what “I love you” means but don’t take the risk to write it.
You, and your wonderful ability to paint a future in a picture which we don’t know if is going to survive over the years.
You, and your smile which can light even the darkest place on earth.


















You, unfaingly, you. 

El abrigo.

¿Acaso tú sabes de donde vienen los miedos? Probablemente no, y yo tampoco.
 Quizás son algo marcado por una sociedad que vive completamente sumergida en lo más profundo de un océano, un océano al que ellos denominan miedo; quizás sean algo que vamos creando como mecanismo de defensa con el paso de los años para no salir lastimados; quizás son un abrigo que usamos para protegernos del sufrimiento. Pero sean lo que sean y vengan de donde vengan ¿De qué nos sirve vivir debajo de aquel abrigo?. Es un hecho que mientras te cobijas en el no vas a salir lastimado pero también es un hecho claro y tangente que mientras escondes tu ser te vas perdiendo de disfrutar aquel viento que te puede rozar la piel o aquel sol que te puede generar un maravilloso bronceado.
Y tú, mi ser humano maravilloso, vives con aquel abrigo puesto en tu cuerpo como si la vida no te pasara por enfrente con el como tu única prenda, como si vestirlo te hiciera inmune al frío del sufrimiento. Y sí, quizás si te haga inmune por un largo periodo de tiempo; sí, quizás te proteja del frío pero al igual que todos los abrigos, por más calientes que sean, en algún momento dejan pasar al menos un poco de aquel gélido frío.
Entonces volvemos a lo mismo: ¿Para qué vivir una vida usando un abrigo que al final no es tan buen escudo? ¿No sería mejor quitárselo y empezar a disfrutar del calor de los buenos momentos, del viento de aquellos momentos pasajeros y del frío de aquellos momentos de sufrimiento?